My life story

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My life story

Post  bassett on Tue Apr 21, 2009 9:53 am

I've decided to tell you all a little about me:

Before we begin, let me give you some background. I am probably the best player in WoW. I play 34 hours a day, 11 days a week, 700 days a year. I know the game inside out. However these casual, inbred morons are totally destroying things. There used to be a time when I could ride up through the Valley of the Kings, rolling like a gangsta with hordes of drooling noobs falling over themselves to inspect my god like gear. And this was good.

Nowadays, it is nothing special. Therefore I am not special and my god status is now severely underthreat. Blizzard, like morons pander to the casuals and ignore the needs of people like me, even though we are a small minority, it still isn't fair. Now it is time to throw the rattle from the pram. Now it is time to take action.

On patch day, I found myself in the strange position of not being able to play WoW. Sigh...so I decided to give some attention to the scores of big breasted, oiled up naked hotties who constantly want some o' this, yo. And by big breasted oiled up naked hottie, I mean email invite from r3dhotwebcamgurlz@aol.com. But it is really the same thing, they came to me. Im a pimp.

After being lured into a site containing suspiciously young girls, then into a misleading 4 hour webchat with some guy called "bustyEmma46" or as I later found out, Barry, I slowly became frustrated. Most of you casual peons won't understand this, you probably have things like jobs and friends. As a divine, these things are trivial to me. So I thought that I would take my wrath out on someone, to aleviate the frustration and maybe to feel a bit more like a man. It was time to suit up. I ventured up the stairs of Doom into the room of agony (my mothers room) and began to raid her drawers. After fending off some lvl 83 elite "feelings of revulsion", I finally stumbled upon my armour. I clad myself in its glory, the fabled £12.50 linen bathrobe of DEATH, the £56.99 red leather high heels of DESTRUCTION, the £4.99 dinner gloves of PAIN and the £1.99 headscarf of OBLIVION. Now, I needed a weapon. I ventured back through the stairway of doom into the living room of FIRE where I found the elite rare spawn "Cuddles the Cat" watching guard over the GRAND DESTROYERS CURTAIN TIE OF HATE.

Putting the insanely high intelligence granted by my linen bathrobe of DEATH, I lured the beast away from the fabled weapon with my string of the GENERIC ANIMAL. At last, wielding my new weapon, it was time to unleash my terrible fury. And as luck would have it, a victim approached. Some low level human "browny" (which isn't even a class, pffft) came knocking on my the front door of DESTINY, uttering a stream of drivel about cookies and other treats. Outraged by thi grave offense to my divinity, I drew out the GRAND DESTROYERS CURTAIN TIE OF HATE and swung my divine instrument of death at her, hitting her square on the nose. The TITANSTEEL hoops at the end of the tie causing significant damage, I couldn't see properly but I am sure it was a crit, a high one. Tear ridden, she ran away (lol noob) as she left behind a pitiful trail of blood and shame.

Pleased by this epic act of noob ownage, I returned to my lair to see if WoW was back up. It was. I logged on and prepared to solo Ulduar, which is the easiest instance ever made and if you don't agree then you suck and are a noob and probably gay so dresses in pink. However, before I could solo Ulduar, there was a knock at the front door. I went and opened it. I found myself staring down the enraged face of a lvl ?? ANGRY FATHER. It would seem that the afore mentioned nub "browny" had returned to her lair to tell her tale to the creature who spawned her.

Before I had time to act, he stunned me, with the mere fact of his presence. Whilst I was stunned, he quickly unleashed a flurry of blows. Incapacitated by the stun, he downed me before I could counter, as I was faced with a torrent of red text claiming "You can't do that while stunned". He walked away, muttering stuff like "kek". So now I am here. I have to say Blizzard, I am un impressed. ANGRY FATHERS need to be nerfed. Their stun ability lasts for too long, and their years of physical labour mean that their strength is too high. They are so OP. Typical Blizzard, screwing it up like always.
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bassett
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Hey

Post  Barry on Tue Apr 21, 2009 11:19 am

After being lured into a site containing suspiciously young girls, then into a misleading 4 hour webchat with some guy called "bustyEmma46" or as I later found out, Barry


Would you believe me if I promise that it wasn't me? B
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Re: My life story

Post  ziffiex on Tue Apr 21, 2009 12:04 pm

awesome read.

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Re: My life story

Post  Arthol (Champ's Here) on Wed Apr 22, 2009 7:39 pm

This is why when I quit I gave my account to Bassett, so when the dumb ass got his account banned he could play mine...

And we all know it was you B Wink
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Re: My life story

Post  Teriyaki on Sun Aug 30, 2009 10:51 pm

Basically, you are a Godly player because you spend the most time in-game? I am a Godly player because I have a reaction time of a squirrel.

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